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Note: the following
descriptions were provided by parents in an
Internet discussion group. I am presenting their
statements in their own words, unedited, except for
redacting any child's name:
"He always has been an
extremely difficult child to raise. He has been
diagnosed as ADD, TS and OCD. He also has some
dyslexia. The biggest problem area is his temper.
Almost every day, there will be at least one
episode where he becomes unable to control his
anger. The least little thing will set him off
(e.g. how his food is served to him, being told to
turn off the TV, etc.). His anger causes him to
become destructive at times. He often will damage
or destroy his own possessions. He will do things
like throw objects, smash articles, pound the
walls, kick things, damage his eyeglasses, etc. He
also is very impulsive, distractible, oppositional,
rigid and defiant. At the same time, he has many
positive qualities.. He has excellent social skills
and is very popular. He never has had a behavior
problem at school or with other children. He's
particularly kind and gentle with smaller children
and animals. He'll show remorse with us after he
calms down from one of his eruptions."
---
"They start out of a small
frustration. He may be a bit tense or agitated
before a rage attack starts, but the trigger is
something little not going his way. He may start by
pushing me away, or saying extremely rude things.
You can see the tension in his body - his hands may
be at his sides, but making tight fists. His eyes
may open wider. If you have never seen it before,
the best description I can give is to think of the
'flight or fight' response of a wild animal. There
is that moment of tension where you can see the
eyes open wide as the animal chooses to make a run
for it or stay on and fight.
As the parent, when I see
this reaction, I try to get my son to go to a
calming down place that he knows we have designated
in the house. He can be safe there, and there is a
punching bag for him to let the aggression out. But
often it happens so fast that he refuses to go
voluntarily. My son is big for his age and very
strong, so for one person to physically drag him to
the calming down spot is quite a challenge. Before
we manage to get there, he may be cursing me,
spitting on me, biting me, biting himself, hitting
me, scratching me. Again, think of the wild animal
that has chosen to stay and fight, using every
defensive mechanism it has to attack the other
party. He may throw things, pick up anything he
finds to use as a weapon, look directly into a
lightbulb on purpose - anything that he can think
of to injure himself or injure me.
This rage attack may last 5
minutes; it may last 1 hour. Towards the end of the
attack he frequently gets extremely remorseful. He
may be begging me to forgive him even as he hits
me. He may beg me to kill him; he is so ashamed of
his actions that he cannot bear it. The rage attack
may end with him in tears, or he may fall asleep,
or he may let me lead him to a different part of
the house and play a specific game with him (one
which he has had an obsession about in the past;
not just ANY game would work here).
..... The attacks are
completely out of character - my son has NEVER been
involved in a playground fight, has never harmed an
animal, etc. No one who knows him would ever
consider him to be a child prone to violence -
except during these rage attacks. If there is a big
disagreement, true anger, he handles it in a
completely different way than the way he handles a
small frustration in these rage attacks. And when
these attacks are over, he can remember what
happened and feels just horrible about it. And he
can't understand why or how it happened any more
than anyone else around him can."
---
"My son's eye's would glaze
over and he COULD NOT REASON until the attack
passed. He would have no direct memory of the
attack, and afterwards he was filled with shame,
and self loathing. It has been the hardest part of
his disorder to deal with by far! I did begin to
see a connection between [H's] OCD and the
rages. For MY son, the rages were always triggered
by an UNFULFILLED OBSESSION OR COMPULSION. It
wasn't obvious though, that he was obsessing on
whatever it was. He did not have the self awareness
or verbal skills to express this stuff. I am
speaking of his rage attacks in the past tense. He
has really worked on self control, and he now tries
to stop it before it escalates to a rage attack by
leaving the situation, being alone, etc. He is now
15 years old, and I am seeing real changes. He is
now inwardly motivated to change his behavior, as
he now realizes it is abnormal behavior.
---
"[X's] rage attacks
would start like a usual tic and escalate into
rage, in which his tic was amplified so many times
that it was unidentifiable (such as a scream) with
arms and legs punching and kicking. He would
normally fall asleep when it was over. I would
physically have to put him in his room and stand by
until it was over. Luckily he was only 5 at this
time and it was manageable. I don't think that he
remembered them, because he never mentioned them
when he woke up."
---
"My son has what are called
'rage tics' where he screams at the top of his
lungs, curses, stomps on the floor, strikes
himself, and generally terrorizes our household.
Me, personally, I feel like a hostage in my own
home. If I sneeze, cough, laugh, speak loudly,
clear my throat or blow my nose, my son has a rage
tic. They now average 5 mins to 30 mins each.
As a rule, I try to remove
myself from within hearing distance of my son so
that he does not hear any of these kinds of noises.
Sometimes, it's not possible like if I
sneeze.
---
"In an effort to
explain.....when [Y] was a toddler he would
have times of intense irritability of unkown
origin. I remember taking detours around him myself
if he were playing quietly for a change. If he
distracted he was unconsolable and in a complete
frenzy. I remember some days when looking at a
story book together something would set him off and
he would tear the pages, scratch my face , scream
and so on. Other days he was the delightful child I
love.
This irritability has
remained through his entire life. He cannot
pinpoint where it comes from. My husband
experiences the same thing. He is [40+] and
still cannot identify it's source. He says it just
is, and he hates it. He says he is not in a bad
mood, work is fine etc., but this feeling for
whatever reason rears it's head. What we have
managed to is work around it and it seems to work
for us.
It is more like a tantrum
than anything else.
It is frustration in one of
it's purest forms."
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